seasonal haikus

my guy likes to text me haikus.  sometimes they're really sweet, and sometimes they make absolutely no sense.  either way, i love it.  last night's haikus came in sets of four and traveled through the season.  long after he had hung up the phone and gone to bed (thank you, long distance), i decided to compose a set of seasonal haikus for his morning hello text.

flowers seek warmth
in slowly waking sun
snow melts

pollen soaked legs
buzz through muggy air
picnic summers

crisp apples burst and
hand pressed cider flows
leaves turn

pods of life cocooned
in cozy fire-filled spaces
snow blankets

i think they're passable, but i'm thinking i probably shouldn't quit my day job. guess i'll leave the haikus to my guy ;).

attitude shifts

long distance is a complicated thing. i want to say it's awful, just the absolute worst. and sometimes, it is. when i am lonely, or sad, or even really excited, and need my guy by my side to share those moments, it is remarkably frustrating. and it is the devil to slug through those days just after a visit, especially a long one, without being just the grumpiest person in town. because really, no matter how hard i work to have a life where i am, it's like the world is off-kilter when we're apart.  sometimes - usually those days when one of us has just walked through the airport doors to start another countdown - it seems easier to wallow in the self-pity of being unnecessarily separated. and because i'm human, i usually give myself a day or two to grump around about it.  besides, i hear ignoring your emotions can be counterproductive.

but then i pull it together and remind myself that it's time for an attitude shift. because really, my life is a pretty lucky one. i have the necessities like a roof and food, a family that loves me, friends that are always there for me, a job i enjoy, and my guy. and my guy and i - we are good together. and, there are some upsides to this long distance shenanigan. things that are good to recognize and appreciate, like the building of communication channels that happens, because there really isn't a choice but to talk - and talk things out - when we're not in the same physical space. and the building of communication skills, because when physical connections are drastically reduced, words are what we have to express our thoughts and affections.  and there are things it will be good to remember down the road, when any distance is less physical and more life-induced, because relationships have those times. like the amazing relief that comes from the mixture of the uncontainable excitement at seeing him after a break and the overwhelming feeling that whatever was off-kilter in the world is now perfectly in place and i can finally breathe easy.  the simple joys of holding hands, of morning coffees together, of just sharing the same space. the beauty and magnitude of small things can get lost in the shuffle and grind of the every day... it will be good to think back to when they were a rationed thing to be savored and cherished, and to work hard to make sure they are savored and cherished still, even if they are no longer rationed.  the way that the every day feels like a holiday.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i need to remember to see the good, and savor it. because everything in life has downsides and upsides. and whether you enjoy life - each day, each experience - depends on which side you use to frame your attitude.

p.s. this may seem completely nonsensical. if so, apologies. i am fairly positive no one really reads this, though, so i mostly write for myself these days. and thoughts, inconsiderate beasties that they are, don't always find clear paths from my brain to my fingers.  

quote: wayne dyer.

if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
{wayne dyer}

quote: henry david thoreau

you must live in the present,
launch yourself on every wave,
find your eternity in each moment.
{henry david thoreau}

more-love-letters

speaking of written affirmations, check this out:

http://www.moreloveletters.com/

i think maybe this will be a good use for some of my homemade stationary.

relationship tips

at www.todaysletters.com, a married couple blogs their daily letters to each other, and more. they have plenty of tips about how they've made their marriage last, and while not all of their tips fit for me or my relationship, a few of them really inspired me. the concepts that really struck me were these:

communicate weekly
make time to be together and talk. share stories of the people you know, the things you've done individually throughout the day or week. and each week, at the start of the week, ask each other these questions:

• how did you feel loved this past week?
• what does your upcoming week look like?
• how would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?

celebrate & affirm in writing
write notes to each other, regularly - once a week at least - that are filled with verbal affirmations and encouragement {and maybe even a bit of wishful thinking for those of us far from our loves}. celebrate each other, in these notes and in your actions, and recognize events and accomplishments big and small. routinely remind your partner - and yourself! - of what you appreciate about them and your relationship. 

address issues
address disappointments and hurt - don't harbor them. closely held hurts can fester and become much bigger issues than they ever needed to be. but be thoughtful in how you express it, because a conversation - one framed in terms of why you hurt or what you need - is far more productive than accusation and argument. 

play together
remember that your partner probably loves the idea of having you as their sidekick when it comes to doing the things they love to do. encourage this by finding the things they love to do that you can enjoy as well, and join in as often as you can. also, add some fresh joy by trying new things together.

know yourself
know and acknowledge your baggage - personal and familial - so that you can tackle it together. know your strengths, so you can support each other. knowing why something upsets your partner can be immeasurably helpful in not taking it personally, so that you can move forward from it together instead of letting it hold you back.

acknowledge the individual
this is two-fold. first, acknowledge the constant evolution of an individual, and spend time learning each other regularly. ask creative questions, and answer questions asked of you as fully as you can manage. ask a few at a time on a walk, or ask a whole slew on a long car trip, whichever way you prefer. but ask them, and listen well to the answers. second, realize that you can't meet all the needs of your partner, just as they can't meet all of your needs. this is okay. this is why we have family, and especially why we have friends. encourage and enjoy an occasional weekend trip with friends - he can go on a camping trip, for a weekend spent in silence with the guys, and she can go for a trip to the spa and long talks with the girls. both can come back refreshed and refilled and ready to give to the relationship.

beach time

i think the world health organization got it right when in 1946, it defined health broadly as "a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."

this weekend was a mini-dose of magic for my health. reading case law on the beach, toes in the sand and sun on skin. riding ferries and bikes to dinner with m&d, eating good food with great people, and biking home as the sun went down. morning walks, complemented by a coffee and doughnut splurge. a long-overdue skype session with one college friend, and a lunch date with another. and a whirlwind visit with my guy, who always knows how to bring a smile to my face.