lent, in review.

lent this year made clear some strengths, and also some weaknesses.

giving up food-related items is fairly straightforward for me, and after a few weeks it becomes routine to just say no. i gave up candy from january 1 to easter, and while giving up candy was much simpler than giving up gluten, that really was a long time to go without any candy except 70%+ dark chocolate. i definitely had moments where i just wanted a reese's egg, or milk duds in popcorn, but i didn't cave, and i carried on. and if it got really bad, i had a square of chocolate and all was well enough.

adding the small habit of flossing was a bit annoying at first, as it felt like time stolen from sleep, but now it is an accepted part of my nightly routine and, like washing my face or brushing my teeth, i can't fall asleep unless it's been done.

i practiced daily gratitude through most of lent, though it began to wane a bit when work got busier and sleep more precious. daily journaling of any kind, even just a few lines, is hard for me to maintain long-term, and this was no different.  still, i think it was a beneficial practice, and one that might be worth introducing for a few days a month as a reminder of all that is good in my life. and while i did it, it was a very good reminder of not only the obvious things to be thankful for - loved ones, a roof over my head, enough to eat - but also smaller things.

last on the list was the snooze button...in short, i failed. this practice was a very clear message that i am a person for whom a regular sleep schedule is determined by a reasonable bed time, not a regular wake up time. i respect the one-and-done alarm when someone else is sharing the room (roommates, siblings on vacation, etc) but when it is just me, there just isn't the same motivation to crawl out of the warm, lovely bed without a few more minutes.

clearly, the habits and practices that are hardest for me revolve around energy levels: do i have enough energy to pop out of bed without the snooze? do i have enough energy to think up things i am grateful for? then again...who really wants to get out of bed at the first alarm when all that's waiting is the work day?

windows down, music up.

one of my very favorite past-times is being in the car, in warm (even mild is fine) weather, with the windows down and the music cranked up.  the minute i'm settled in and singing along, i can feel the tension melt away and life is just better.

but here's the thing. i look around, and no one else has their windows down. not even cracked. i don't understand this. in snow, in rain, sure! keep those windows up and the water out. but lately the weather has been wonderful and maybe these folk aren't in office buildings all day, so they don't crave fresh air quite the same way, but still. i rarely, if ever, see another window down. is everyone is afraid of the world outside?

i guess that just means more sunshine for me...

lent.

i am sometimes asked why, as a non-catholic, i take part in lent.  the oxford dictionary defines lent as "the period preceding easter that, in the christian church, is devoted to fasting, abstinence and penitence in commemoration of christ's fasting in the wilderness."  in western christianity, it runs from ash wednesday to holy saturday, inclusive. that's 40 week days, or 46 days total, of sacrifice.  i have found that, for the last few years, that 46 day period of sacrifice is ideal for self-discovery and personal growth.  

two years ago, i was regularly overindulging in foods that were unhealthy, so i gave up candy, potato chips and soda.  that sparked a whole-life change that continues on today - i eat better foods, indulge in appropriate amounts (and portions), am generally more active, pay attention to ingredients in food and bodycare products, and am overall more aware of how i care for my body.  one year ago, i was regularly overindulging in bread, so i gave up gluten. it complicated life for my mother, and for myself a bit as well, but it was worth it for the renewed awareness of my habits and choices.  

this year, i gave up candy on january 1, with the intention to carry that through lent to easter. and yes, with easter being in mid-april, that means i gave up candy for nearly a quarter of 2014.  but i struggle enough with candy - the ability to stop after only one piece especially - that it was the right choice for me.  i have definitely been opting for dessert more often lately, but it works out alright because true desserts don't have quite the same just-one-more quality.  

when lent began, i added a bit more to my plate.  this year, however, i sought to grow through both sacrifice and through the addition of beneficial habits:  

(1) i gave up the snooze button.  i am the furthest thing from a morning person, and while it was workable in college and law school, it is becoming detrimental to my every day now that i not only report to an office m-f but work at a job that tracks billable hours (ohhh billable hours. how i loathe thee).  

(2) i added daily flossing.  you may be the special person who has listened to your dentist since you were small and flossed each and every day, but i was not.  i decided perhaps it was time, and nothing sets a habit in like a 46 day run, so lenten flossing it is.

(3) i added a daily gratitude practice.  each night, i write down three things that i am grateful for that day, whether they be small or large.  it is a small sacrifice in that it lengthens my bedtime routine, but it is worth every second for the constant reminder to choose to find the positive, to choose grateful.

i look forward to reflecting on what i have learned when easter sunday arrives.

blogging voice.

real bloggers (the ones with frequent posts and actual topics and more followers than fingers) often talk about finding their blogging voice, and how it took a while. i've had a blog for years now, but i still haven't ever felt like i found my "voice". lately, i've begun to think that perhaps that is because i've been trying too hard to find something to say. maybe this space was never meant to be a post-regularly kind of blog. and maybe that's okay, because after all, i'm really only sharing for myself and the three people who read this with any kind of regularity.  maybe this space is better as it was originally... a home for images, and occasionally for words. a place where i can come to remind myself of the beauty and magic in the everyday, every day. a place to rejuvenate after long days of this.

so. all that to say, it might get a little bit more quiet around here, but hopefully also a lot more honest and sincere.

kintsugi

yesterday, i read a piece by glennon over at momastery, which is full of thoughtful insight on the human condition. {do read it.} within all the marvelous words, glennon offered up this gem:

"I used to say: I'm broken. Fix me. Then I grew up a little and said: WAIT A MINUTE. I'M NOT BROKEN. And now I'm a real grown up so I say: Of course I'm broken. And I love, love, love myself that way. If you're comfortable with that - come sit with me and we can laugh and cry and be broken and beautiful together. But don't try to fix me - I didn't ask for that. I just asked for some good company in which to be human."

this. of course i am broken. life well lived can be a rough and tumble ride, and no one ever promised you wouldn't fall to pieces over it. in fact, as oprah said, "we can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are." changing events may be gradual and almost unnoticed, or they may come hard and fast. they may lift you, but they may also break you. and that is okay. because what i have learned on this journey of life is that when you're standing there, holding the pieces of yourself - that is the moment of opportunity.  that is when you learn just who you are, how strong you can be - and how beautiful this life is. there is beauty in the broken.

but i think there is more to it than that, even. there is the marvel of broken, but not in pieces. the marvel that comes of when you slowly mend yourself, learning and changing and becoming something more the process, and the beauty grows. the ancient japanese art of kintsugi is the best example of this i have seen in a long time.

kintsugi, meaning "golden joinery" or "to patch with gold", is an ancient japanese technique for repairing broken porcelain, pottery and glass. it is about taking ugly breaks and bringing pieces back together in beauty. but instead of hiding the cracks, or trying to pretend a piece is as good as new, kintsugi artists carefully repair a broken vessel with sticky resin that hardens as it dries. they sand it until it's nearly imperceptible to the touch, and then they take a lacquer combined with real gold and adorn the crack.

photograph and information from here. video on kintsugi here.

they highlight the cracks. they honor the breaks, even as they remold the pieces. i have believed this for years. that we must be broken - and acknowledge our broken, even as we rebuild ourselves - to become our truest selves. being human is a messy, beautiful thing, and so worth it. and this messy, beautiful life - it's even better when shared. so please - like glennon said - "come sit with me and we can laugh and cry and be broken and beautiful together."

i was supposed to wake up at 7.

i explain "choose: peace" as the age-old change what you can, let go of what you can't. there are a lot of places where i run with this idea, and it's fantastic. and it really is the ultimate in advice for how to deal with your relationships and interactions with others, because when you have to account for more than you, there's a lot of letting go and making peace.

however. because i am {apparently} and adult, and adults {apparently} must work real jobs to pay for their real lives, i {apparently} must learn to change my sleeping habits.  oh, how i wish i could just "let go!" and forever be not-a-morning-person. but no, the powers that be are holding steady to their assertion that this is one of those things that falls under "change what you can must."  so! this morning, in a fit of ambition, i actually left the bed when the alarm went off at 7 am. and by left, i mean, did not get up to simply reset the alarm for later and immediately crawl back into bed. but! back to the ambition. i turned off the noise and dragged my barely-open eyes to the couch, where i powered up my laptop. the plan was to read the news and blogs, in an effort to do the whole "accomplish things in the morning and get to work at a good time" goal.  like i said, ambition.

anyone want to guess how well this worked out for me?

i fell asleep on the couch. that's right. i left the bed, dragged myself to the couch, opened up the {bright! glaring even!} laptop, and fell. asleep. ambition = 0. habit = 1. but you know what? i'm going to classify this as progress. because i actively did not crawl back into bed. baby steps, people. and lest you worry i slept through work, let me reassure you i did not. i know myself better than to trust that ambition would win the day, so i set a second alarm that got me dressed and out the door at an almost-respectable time.

in case there was any question about whether i was a morning person {not that i ever questioned it}, i'm pretty sure this little adventure confirms i am not.

foundation of respect

i just finished a non-fiction work by kurt vonnegut. honest assessment? i'm not a big fan. it's a disorderly collection of pieces of articles and speeches he's used before, accompanied by commentary that sometimes clarifies the pieces and sometimes doesn't. put it all together and what you get is one big ol' judgmental mish-mash that is not worth the $9.99 amazon is currently charging for it. {thank goodness i picked it up on a kindle daily deal sale for $0.99!} i hear his fiction is better, so here's hoping i won't be as frustrated when i finally crack open slaughterhouse five.

that being said, there was one anecdote that i actually related to. in a discussion on religion and marriage, he noted that people get divorced "because they don't love each other anymore" and likened it to "trading in a car when the ashtrays are full."  he clarified that "the transmission is shot and there's a crack in the engine block" when you no longer respect each other.  i think that perspective - that respect, more than love, is the foundation of a lasting relationship - deserves serious consideration.  because really, isn't it the love that is built on friendship and respect that lasts? {with a healthy dose of chemistry, of course ;)}.

haikus on video chat

small smiles spread as
pixels settle on your face
distant proximity

glasses, tousled hair
face etched with effort of today
joy creeps in

little laughs escape
to dance invisible wires
remotely together

seasonal haikus

my guy likes to text me haikus.  sometimes they're really sweet, and sometimes they make absolutely no sense.  either way, i love it.  last night's haikus came in sets of four and traveled through the season.  long after he had hung up the phone and gone to bed (thank you, long distance), i decided to compose a set of seasonal haikus for his morning hello text.

flowers seek warmth
in slowly waking sun
snow melts

pollen soaked legs
buzz through muggy air
picnic summers

crisp apples burst and
hand pressed cider flows
leaves turn

pods of life cocooned
in cozy fire-filled spaces
snow blankets

i think they're passable, but i'm thinking i probably shouldn't quit my day job. guess i'll leave the haikus to my guy ;).

attitude shifts

long distance is a complicated thing. i want to say it's awful, just the absolute worst. and sometimes, it is. when i am lonely, or sad, or even really excited, and need my guy by my side to share those moments, it is remarkably frustrating. and it is the devil to slug through those days just after a visit, especially a long one, without being just the grumpiest person in town. because really, no matter how hard i work to have a life where i am, it's like the world is off-kilter when we're apart.  sometimes - usually those days when one of us has just walked through the airport doors to start another countdown - it seems easier to wallow in the self-pity of being unnecessarily separated. and because i'm human, i usually give myself a day or two to grump around about it.  besides, i hear ignoring your emotions can be counterproductive.

but then i pull it together and remind myself that it's time for an attitude shift. because really, my life is a pretty lucky one. i have the necessities like a roof and food, a family that loves me, friends that are always there for me, a job i enjoy, and my guy. and my guy and i - we are good together. and, there are some upsides to this long distance shenanigan. things that are good to recognize and appreciate, like the building of communication channels that happens, because there really isn't a choice but to talk - and talk things out - when we're not in the same physical space. and the building of communication skills, because when physical connections are drastically reduced, words are what we have to express our thoughts and affections.  and there are things it will be good to remember down the road, when any distance is less physical and more life-induced, because relationships have those times. like the amazing relief that comes from the mixture of the uncontainable excitement at seeing him after a break and the overwhelming feeling that whatever was off-kilter in the world is now perfectly in place and i can finally breathe easy.  the simple joys of holding hands, of morning coffees together, of just sharing the same space. the beauty and magnitude of small things can get lost in the shuffle and grind of the every day... it will be good to think back to when they were a rationed thing to be savored and cherished, and to work hard to make sure they are savored and cherished still, even if they are no longer rationed.  the way that the every day feels like a holiday.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i need to remember to see the good, and savor it. because everything in life has downsides and upsides. and whether you enjoy life - each day, each experience - depends on which side you use to frame your attitude.

p.s. this may seem completely nonsensical. if so, apologies. i am fairly positive no one really reads this, though, so i mostly write for myself these days. and thoughts, inconsiderate beasties that they are, don't always find clear paths from my brain to my fingers.  

relationship tips

at www.todaysletters.com, a married couple blogs their daily letters to each other, and more. they have plenty of tips about how they've made their marriage last, and while not all of their tips fit for me or my relationship, a few of them really inspired me. the concepts that really struck me were these:

communicate weekly
make time to be together and talk. share stories of the people you know, the things you've done individually throughout the day or week. and each week, at the start of the week, ask each other these questions:

• how did you feel loved this past week?
• what does your upcoming week look like?
• how would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?

celebrate & affirm in writing
write notes to each other, regularly - once a week at least - that are filled with verbal affirmations and encouragement {and maybe even a bit of wishful thinking for those of us far from our loves}. celebrate each other, in these notes and in your actions, and recognize events and accomplishments big and small. routinely remind your partner - and yourself! - of what you appreciate about them and your relationship. 

address issues
address disappointments and hurt - don't harbor them. closely held hurts can fester and become much bigger issues than they ever needed to be. but be thoughtful in how you express it, because a conversation - one framed in terms of why you hurt or what you need - is far more productive than accusation and argument. 

play together
remember that your partner probably loves the idea of having you as their sidekick when it comes to doing the things they love to do. encourage this by finding the things they love to do that you can enjoy as well, and join in as often as you can. also, add some fresh joy by trying new things together.

know yourself
know and acknowledge your baggage - personal and familial - so that you can tackle it together. know your strengths, so you can support each other. knowing why something upsets your partner can be immeasurably helpful in not taking it personally, so that you can move forward from it together instead of letting it hold you back.

acknowledge the individual
this is two-fold. first, acknowledge the constant evolution of an individual, and spend time learning each other regularly. ask creative questions, and answer questions asked of you as fully as you can manage. ask a few at a time on a walk, or ask a whole slew on a long car trip, whichever way you prefer. but ask them, and listen well to the answers. second, realize that you can't meet all the needs of your partner, just as they can't meet all of your needs. this is okay. this is why we have family, and especially why we have friends. encourage and enjoy an occasional weekend trip with friends - he can go on a camping trip, for a weekend spent in silence with the guys, and she can go for a trip to the spa and long talks with the girls. both can come back refreshed and refilled and ready to give to the relationship.

photography and being present

continuing on from monday's post, a little food for thought: what does being "fully present" mean for all of us photo-happy individuals, snapping away at sunsets and flowers? does true presence in a moment mean it must be seen first person, and not through the lens? or is dedicated photography a different way of being present?

i don't presume to have an answer to that question, especially not for others. for myself, though, i think it might involve a combination of the two. sometimes, it's more than okay to document the little things that make life special and unique. and other times, it's even better to put away the camera and marvel at this world, firsthand.

quote: thich nhat hanh.

if we are not fully ourselves,
truly present in the moment,
we miss everything.
{thich nhat hanh}

i struggle with this one sometimes often. when you are in a long-distance relationship, there is always a part of you that is somewhere else, thinking of someone who is not presently with you. that corner of your mind that is permanently listening for the phone, making sure i don't miss a call, a text, an email. {this is likely to get worse as i dive into being a lawyer, because everyone knows that lawyers are "constantly available."} i wish i could say i will do better at this, but i'm not sure a blanket statement like that will accomplish anything. so instead, perhaps i will try to be better at specific moments. i will be fully present at dinner with my parents. i will avoid skimming pinterest while a friend tells me about their day. i will put away the technology on the evenings boyfriend and i get to be together in person. small pockets of intentional presence, to balance the constant blur. that, i think i can do.

spirit.

people travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass themselves by without wondering.
{st. augustine}

this quote got me thinking {as any good quote is likely to do}. i've said before, and will say again {mostly to remind myself, honestly} that health isn't just about the physical. it isn't just about weight or muscle tone or how many kale leaves were on today's menu. health is about the whole - the sum of the parts - being cared for and nourished. because as human beings, we are more than just physical. i read recently that we have four selves: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. maybe that seems like too many, or maybe it seems too simplistic, but regardless- the acknowledgement that we are multifaceted, and more than just a body, is the foundation. that foundation is a concept i can get behind. and years of watching other people live their lives, and of looking at how i live mine, has made so clear - sometimes painfully so - that the emotional/spiritual self should never, ever be forgotten or muted. it should be respected, nurtured even.

i believe that investing the time to begin knowing your self is an integral part of overall health. that you can learn big things, but also little things that make a big difference. like whether you are someone who must have a few hours alone a week to recharge, or whether you recharge best by soaking up the energy of a crowded party/restaurant/amusement park. whether you need a quiet half hour with your coffee every morning before you can face the day, or an hour of tv to turn off your brain before bed. personally, i prefer my interaction with others to be in smaller doses - less people at a time rather than more - but i also struggle when i have very little interaction with others at all, like in my last job. i enjoy the quiet of a saturday morning {and by morning i prefer that to mean sometime around noon...} with a nice mocha and a book or my favorite blogs. when i'm feeling inadequate or unsettled, i turn to craft projects, sewing projects or baking as a coping mechanism to help me feel more productive or in control. these are just a few of the things i've learned about myself over time...what about you?

(same same, but) different.

let me preface with this. this piece is a bit long, and a lot convoluted. i tried making it clearer, and perhaps in a while i will try again. but understanding how to interact with others isn't always clear, so maybe that explains the lack of a singular direction in these paragraphs. regardless, they come from a place of honesty and genuine effort within me, so...if you're so inclined, read on.

choosing love - that's an intentional thing. there is so much to it, but one incredibly important aspect of choosing love is accepting differences. we are all raised in different countries, in different cultures, in different regions, in different families. but even more than those clear differences, we are all influenced by personal experiences. even those people who grew up in the bedrooms next to me experienced moments - many, in fact - in which i had no part or presence. i have been shaped by experiences my loved ones did not encounter, as they have been shaped by lessons i have yet to learn. it is easy to accept that people are different. that is simply a fact, and acceptance of it can come without understanding. but acceptance without understanding can only take a person - a relationship - so far. and choosing love takes more than accepting facts. it takes accepting another person, whole and unique, without reservation. this is not simple, or immediate. but that doesn't mean it isn't at least worth trying. {do note that i don't mean to say that accepting without reservation means you necessarily remove any boundaries between their life and yours. rather, i think it means that you take them as they are, and frame their place in your life accordingly.}

choosing to love someone means, in part, understanding the beauty of their differences - learning and marveling at how their strengths cushion my shortcomings, at how their weaknesses are bolstered by my strengths. this is true to any degree, really - stronger for intensely personal relationships like lovers or sisters, of course, but still, present in any relationship where one engages in anything more than a cursory interaction. we all have similarities, and often find comfort in these, but i don't believe i can truly appreciate a person if all i understand of them is how they are similar to me.

but to understand, i must first listen, and listen deeply. listen enough. not the kind of listening done in a monday morning class, or with a stranger on an airplane, where the information comes halfway in before flowing back out. and not the kind of listening done at a cocktail party or when reading a blog, where judgments are made on everything heard or read without bothering to learn the story behind it first. i must be a listener of the kind where i set any other thoughts - the grocery lists and facebook posts and work emails - aside, and give everything i have to hearing what this person is telling me. i must, as the dictionary says, "make an effort to hear something."

this listening is not always easy. but it is always worth it. because once i am well and truly listening, it is amazing what can be learned. not just the what, but the why of a person. the impetus for their path, the emotions underlying their interactions. the invisible band-aids they wear next to imaginary medals, sometimes without even knowing they are carrying so much with them. sometimes, i even learn that - although perhaps earned differently - someone's emotional scars are remarkably similar to mine. and because i listened hard enough to find that moment of connection, i can appreciate just a little more the separate journeys traveled to reach that point, and the divergent or convergent paths taken from there. when i listen enough, i can begin to see, collected in the stories, the spoken thoughts, the silences even, a person, similar in some ways, but in others, so very different from any other person alive. and in all of that, i can appreciate the uniqueness of that person that much more. i can choose to love them for who they are.

365:365

strange to reflect on some of the many the changes that have come since i started this project 365 days ago.  i met my guy, and built a relationship that has made it worth the effort that distance requires. i passed classes i am still not sure i understand, and i received a giant piece of paper that promises me - in latin - that i actually graduated law school. i moved back to california and began to make a home for myself in my little apartment. i studied more than i ever have in my life, and passed the california bar. i committed to giving up potato chips, soda and candy for lent, and in doing so found myself on a journey to a healthier me, complete with a newfound joy in walking, green smoothies, health-blogs that use words like paleo and grounding, an obsession with coconut oil, and an appreciation for a whole new world of foods.  i took an oath and became a licensed attorney. i have helped, a bit, with the process of moving different grandparents to new homes. i worked a fellowship, and got hired by real law firm, starting next week. i put myself out there to make new friends. i started using my sewing machine, and persevered even when my straight lines weren't exactly straight. i traveled, to seattle, chicago, new orleans. this life is a good one, friends.

365:340

choose joy has been a life-motto for a few years now. choose health is a motto i picked up last spring, when i decided it was time to stop focusing on what i weighed and instead, focus on eating well and being active. this year, i'm choosing three new things as well. love, focus and peace. the meanings of my choices always become clearer as time progresses, but for the moment, here is what they mean to me. choosing love means stepping back from judgments, supporting people, and accepting someone's differences with grace instead of with skepticism or criticism. choosing focus is a personal challenge to keep my mind on the present situation, whether that be work or a conversation.  choosing peace is a commitment to changing what i can, and letting go of what things i cannot, or should not change.

365:293

to be honest, when i started this journey of becoming healthier, i don't know that i genuinely believed i would ever reach my "goal" weight. i hadn't seen the number i put as my goal in over 7 years. i figured that it was okay if i never quite hit it, because i wasn't really aiming for an exact weight, just using it as a general target for a healthy body. nearly 8 months later, i've not only reached that target but gone below it. the most exciting part of that is not the number. it's the fact that without ever starving myself, i've managed to reset my senses to wanting healthier (and spicier! weird, right?) foods, to eating more appropriate portions, to enjoying exercising (in moderation, of course).  it's that i've never felt deprived (except maybe when i gave up soda and candy for lent and then again for october, but considering how unhealthy both of those are, that's a deprivation i'm okay with). i've learned the difference between true hunger and hunger that comes with boredom, and how to feed them both - one with food, one with something to do!  i've found healthier alternatives to old treats, and learned how different foods help or hurt our bodies. i've driven people nuts with my discussions on coconut oil, green smoothies and chia seeds. i've enjoyed learning so much about food, nutrition, health and myself, and i genuinely look forward to continuing that learning!

words: lessons learned on microscopes & backbones

a lady i met a few times back in college writes a fabulous blog called where my heart resides.  today, she  read asked her readers, "what the greatest lesson you have learned in your twenties?" i pondered it for a moment - perhaps not as long as i should have, but then again, if i pondered it as long as i should have, it might have taken all day! - and came up with this:

i have learned so much in my twenties that it is hard to pin down the greatest lesson...but i think i can narrow it down to two lessons that have been vital to my happiness. the first lesson  came earliest in my twenties, leaving its mark on my senior year of college. it is the value of ongoing self-analysis, of introspection.  without it, i could not learn who i am. i could not know what i truly want, from a lifetime, from a relationship, from a job, from a person, from a single day.  introspection may not teach me these things all at once, but the more aware i am of who i am, the easier it is to figure these things out as they come.  decisions may not always be easy to make, but when i truly know myself, the right decision for me is clearer.  when i am hurting, if i will not look into myself to discover why, i may never be able to understand what caused the pain, or know the ways to help heal myself.  knowing myself well also helps me understand my reactions to and actions toward other people, which is crucial to establishing and maintaining healthy, happy relationships.

the second lesson came later, and took much longer to become clear.  even now, it is something i have to work at, to balance with my natural tendencies.  it is learning to stand up for myself in relationships with others.  not being a bully to others, but making sure that i am treated with the respect and care i deserve.  i spent too much time and too many tears on people who did not give me the same respect i gave them.  who took without giving back, who drained without replenishing.  how you allow others to treat you carries into every part of your life, affects everything you do.  but as i learn to accept no less than the level of respect that i give to others, i find that i am left surrounded by people who are good for me, as i am good for them.  people who return the joy and support i share with them.  people who give back more than they ever take. people who make life a joy to be living.

words: choosing joy & plucking the day

i read a piece about carpe diem recently.  the author, a remarkably honest, insightful woman, pointed out that constantly trying to seize the day was stressful.  so stressful that it took the joy out of the day.  she talked it out on paper, explaining the difference between real time - chronos - and what she called "god time" - kairos - but what i'll just call true time.  she decided that she wasn't going to try to carpe diem, but rather she would carpe a few kairos moments a day.  and really, i have to agree.  which is to say, i believe we don't have to soak up every day, all day.

as i talked this over with boyfriend, he told me that his high school latin teacher believe that the translation of carpe as "to seize" was too violent, that the phrase was better translated as "to pluck". while it doesn't have quite the same oomph as a life motto, i think it has a more realistic message when understood that way.  every single moment doesn't have to be enjoyed like we've missed the boat if we aren't reveling in each second of each hour.  it's okay to just live.  because when we're just living, we'll find that moments of marvel happen organically.  we'll pluck them out of the day. and maybe, just maybe, those singular moments of marveling are all that we need to do, all that it takes to cherish this life. maybe basking in those moments of sunshine is the real meaning of carpe diem.

a few years ago, i decided to choose joy. to recognize the beauty in an ordinary moment.  i think these two ideas, choosing joy and plucking the kairos moments, are essentially the same thing.  it's about finding a balance - seeing the beautiful in the brutal truths of life.  so i will keep choosing joy. and i will bask in the kairos moments. and i will love, because love is what makes it all possible.