love flash mob

do you read glennon's words over at momastery? if not, you should try it. glennon's words have provided me much food for thought, and even more, a constant reminder of the magic of love. love can move mountains, lift up a broken and weary soul, bring together distant strangers, and shine a guiding light in dark moments. glennon and her monkees have built a network {using the equally magical internet} where strangers join {e-}hands to do hard things, stories are shared, mistakes are accepted, individual quirks are celebrated, and love wins.

today, glennon and the monkees are tapping into that network of love, joining e-hands to show four families that love wins. today is a LOVE FLASH MOB day, where the momastery world donates what they can to give to those who need. today, momastery {through their charity arm, monkee see - monkee do} is helping four little ones {and their families} to get guardian angel service dogs that, due to special conditions, the little ones dearly need to monitor their health and/or safety.  no pressure here - really! none, at all - but if you are interested in being a part of today's magic, click on over to read glennon's words about compassion and the four little ones in need of it today. donations are limited to $25, and every penny goes directly to those in need.

foundation of respect

i just finished a non-fiction work by kurt vonnegut. honest assessment? i'm not a big fan. it's a disorderly collection of pieces of articles and speeches he's used before, accompanied by commentary that sometimes clarifies the pieces and sometimes doesn't. put it all together and what you get is one big ol' judgmental mish-mash that is not worth the $9.99 amazon is currently charging for it. {thank goodness i picked it up on a kindle daily deal sale for $0.99!} i hear his fiction is better, so here's hoping i won't be as frustrated when i finally crack open slaughterhouse five.

that being said, there was one anecdote that i actually related to. in a discussion on religion and marriage, he noted that people get divorced "because they don't love each other anymore" and likened it to "trading in a car when the ashtrays are full."  he clarified that "the transmission is shot and there's a crack in the engine block" when you no longer respect each other.  i think that perspective - that respect, more than love, is the foundation of a lasting relationship - deserves serious consideration.  because really, isn't it the love that is built on friendship and respect that lasts? {with a healthy dose of chemistry, of course ;)}.

haikus on video chat

small smiles spread as
pixels settle on your face
distant proximity

glasses, tousled hair
face etched with effort of today
joy creeps in

little laughs escape
to dance invisible wires
remotely together

seasonal haikus

my guy likes to text me haikus.  sometimes they're really sweet, and sometimes they make absolutely no sense.  either way, i love it.  last night's haikus came in sets of four and traveled through the season.  long after he had hung up the phone and gone to bed (thank you, long distance), i decided to compose a set of seasonal haikus for his morning hello text.

flowers seek warmth
in slowly waking sun
snow melts

pollen soaked legs
buzz through muggy air
picnic summers

crisp apples burst and
hand pressed cider flows
leaves turn

pods of life cocooned
in cozy fire-filled spaces
snow blankets

i think they're passable, but i'm thinking i probably shouldn't quit my day job. guess i'll leave the haikus to my guy ;).

more-love-letters

speaking of written affirmations, check this out:

http://www.moreloveletters.com/

i think maybe this will be a good use for some of my homemade stationary.

relationship tips

at www.todaysletters.com, a married couple blogs their daily letters to each other, and more. they have plenty of tips about how they've made their marriage last, and while not all of their tips fit for me or my relationship, a few of them really inspired me. the concepts that really struck me were these:

communicate weekly
make time to be together and talk. share stories of the people you know, the things you've done individually throughout the day or week. and each week, at the start of the week, ask each other these questions:

• how did you feel loved this past week?
• what does your upcoming week look like?
• how would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?

celebrate & affirm in writing
write notes to each other, regularly - once a week at least - that are filled with verbal affirmations and encouragement {and maybe even a bit of wishful thinking for those of us far from our loves}. celebrate each other, in these notes and in your actions, and recognize events and accomplishments big and small. routinely remind your partner - and yourself! - of what you appreciate about them and your relationship. 

address issues
address disappointments and hurt - don't harbor them. closely held hurts can fester and become much bigger issues than they ever needed to be. but be thoughtful in how you express it, because a conversation - one framed in terms of why you hurt or what you need - is far more productive than accusation and argument. 

play together
remember that your partner probably loves the idea of having you as their sidekick when it comes to doing the things they love to do. encourage this by finding the things they love to do that you can enjoy as well, and join in as often as you can. also, add some fresh joy by trying new things together.

know yourself
know and acknowledge your baggage - personal and familial - so that you can tackle it together. know your strengths, so you can support each other. knowing why something upsets your partner can be immeasurably helpful in not taking it personally, so that you can move forward from it together instead of letting it hold you back.

acknowledge the individual
this is two-fold. first, acknowledge the constant evolution of an individual, and spend time learning each other regularly. ask creative questions, and answer questions asked of you as fully as you can manage. ask a few at a time on a walk, or ask a whole slew on a long car trip, whichever way you prefer. but ask them, and listen well to the answers. second, realize that you can't meet all the needs of your partner, just as they can't meet all of your needs. this is okay. this is why we have family, and especially why we have friends. encourage and enjoy an occasional weekend trip with friends - he can go on a camping trip, for a weekend spent in silence with the guys, and she can go for a trip to the spa and long talks with the girls. both can come back refreshed and refilled and ready to give to the relationship.

sending sun.

"how can i make your day better?" i asked. "make it sunny," he replied.

i may not have power over the natural elements, but you do what you can to bring joy to those you love. so, with a little help from technology, i sent him sun. a little bit every hour or so, to carry him through a long, wintery monday. and if you don't think a quote from the kimkierkegaardashian twitter feed is sunny, well then - it's a good thing i have him and he has me.

p.s. there was follow-up today. pretty sure my e-efforts were instrumental in producing real life results. right? right ;)

(same same, but) different.

let me preface with this. this piece is a bit long, and a lot convoluted. i tried making it clearer, and perhaps in a while i will try again. but understanding how to interact with others isn't always clear, so maybe that explains the lack of a singular direction in these paragraphs. regardless, they come from a place of honesty and genuine effort within me, so...if you're so inclined, read on.

choosing love - that's an intentional thing. there is so much to it, but one incredibly important aspect of choosing love is accepting differences. we are all raised in different countries, in different cultures, in different regions, in different families. but even more than those clear differences, we are all influenced by personal experiences. even those people who grew up in the bedrooms next to me experienced moments - many, in fact - in which i had no part or presence. i have been shaped by experiences my loved ones did not encounter, as they have been shaped by lessons i have yet to learn. it is easy to accept that people are different. that is simply a fact, and acceptance of it can come without understanding. but acceptance without understanding can only take a person - a relationship - so far. and choosing love takes more than accepting facts. it takes accepting another person, whole and unique, without reservation. this is not simple, or immediate. but that doesn't mean it isn't at least worth trying. {do note that i don't mean to say that accepting without reservation means you necessarily remove any boundaries between their life and yours. rather, i think it means that you take them as they are, and frame their place in your life accordingly.}

choosing to love someone means, in part, understanding the beauty of their differences - learning and marveling at how their strengths cushion my shortcomings, at how their weaknesses are bolstered by my strengths. this is true to any degree, really - stronger for intensely personal relationships like lovers or sisters, of course, but still, present in any relationship where one engages in anything more than a cursory interaction. we all have similarities, and often find comfort in these, but i don't believe i can truly appreciate a person if all i understand of them is how they are similar to me.

but to understand, i must first listen, and listen deeply. listen enough. not the kind of listening done in a monday morning class, or with a stranger on an airplane, where the information comes halfway in before flowing back out. and not the kind of listening done at a cocktail party or when reading a blog, where judgments are made on everything heard or read without bothering to learn the story behind it first. i must be a listener of the kind where i set any other thoughts - the grocery lists and facebook posts and work emails - aside, and give everything i have to hearing what this person is telling me. i must, as the dictionary says, "make an effort to hear something."

this listening is not always easy. but it is always worth it. because once i am well and truly listening, it is amazing what can be learned. not just the what, but the why of a person. the impetus for their path, the emotions underlying their interactions. the invisible band-aids they wear next to imaginary medals, sometimes without even knowing they are carrying so much with them. sometimes, i even learn that - although perhaps earned differently - someone's emotional scars are remarkably similar to mine. and because i listened hard enough to find that moment of connection, i can appreciate just a little more the separate journeys traveled to reach that point, and the divergent or convergent paths taken from there. when i listen enough, i can begin to see, collected in the stories, the spoken thoughts, the silences even, a person, similar in some ways, but in others, so very different from any other person alive. and in all of that, i can appreciate the uniqueness of that person that much more. i can choose to love them for who they are.

quote: mumford & sons

in these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die.
where you invest your love,
you invest your life.
{mumford & sons}

joined.

and truly, what do we have left
but moments of this gazing, pulling
at each other, at ourselves,
the shells ground finer and finer
under our feet
making a kind of jagged sand..."
{ruth l. schwartz}

squish.

love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.
{unknown}