Thursday, May 30, 2013

attitude shifts

long distance is a complicated thing. i want to say it's awful, just the absolute worst. and sometimes, it is. when i am lonely, or sad, or even really excited, and need my guy by my side to share those moments, it is remarkably frustrating. and it is the devil to slug through those days just after a visit, especially a long one, without being just the grumpiest person in town. because really, no matter how hard i work to have a life where i am, it's like the world is off-kilter when we're apart.  sometimes - usually those days when one of us has just walked through the airport doors to start another countdown - it seems easier to wallow in the self-pity of being unnecessarily separated. and because i'm human, i usually give myself a day or two to grump around about it.  besides, i hear ignoring your emotions can be counterproductive.

but then i pull it together and remind myself that it's time for an attitude shift. because really, my life is a pretty lucky one. i have the necessities like a roof and food, a family that loves me, friends that are always there for me, a job i enjoy, and my guy. and my guy and i - we are good together. and, there are some upsides to this long distance shenanigan. things that are good to recognize and appreciate, like the building of communication channels that happens, because there really isn't a choice but to talk - and talk things out - when we're not in the same physical space. and the building of communication skills, because when physical connections are drastically reduced, words are what we have to express our thoughts and affections.  and there are things it will be good to remember down the road, when any distance is less physical and more life-induced, because relationships have those times. like the amazing relief that comes from the mixture of the uncontainable excitement at seeing him after a break and the overwhelming feeling that whatever was off-kilter in the world is now perfectly in place and i can finally breathe easy.  the simple joys of holding hands, of morning coffees together, of just sharing the same space. the beauty and magnitude of small things can get lost in the shuffle and grind of the every day... it will be good to think back to when they were a rationed thing to be savored and cherished, and to work hard to make sure they are savored and cherished still, even if they are no longer rationed.  the way that the every day feels like a holiday.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i need to remember to see the good, and savor it. because everything in life has downsides and upsides. and whether you enjoy life - each day, each experience - depends on which side you use to frame your attitude.

p.s. this may seem completely nonsensical. if so, apologies. i am fairly positive no one really reads this, though, so i mostly write for myself these days. and thoughts, inconsiderate beasties that they are, don't always find clear paths from my brain to my fingers.  

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